As I am in the last 20 days of my first year of teaching I am in the middle of a unique experience. I am also taking a statistics course in pursuit of my Masters in Exceptional Education. Being I struggled through school (how am I a teacher) I am also struggling with this course. I struggle to listen, to do the homework and today I struggled on my final exam - which if I fail I fail the course (that will cost me $1500).
Sitting there in my desk, squirming and pissed of because I had no clue what I was doing, I realized how many of my students (all special needs) feel on a day-too-day basis are feeling. I was aloud to sip my coffee, eat crackers, go for a walk outside to stretch and leave when I wanted. My students have limited time, in one seat with me - pressuring them throughout the whole process.
It is a classic situation where I am being pressured and ignored by those above me, and I pass those feelings off to my students rather than deal with them in a more mature way. Because I am constantly feeling inadequate I push my students to do better and better so I can look like I know what I am doing.
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